if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
