even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize