she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
