My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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