I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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