I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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