just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
