I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
