I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is my gift to your gina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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