so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
