i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
