I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I pour the whiskey from now on
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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