made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
