we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
