No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
