I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
