in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
