I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
