So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
