I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There r osticjed everywhere
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
