So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
