it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
