its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
