it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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