dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
