we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize