What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to make a zoo with you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
