I must be too annoying 4 u.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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