make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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