My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
