Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
