she was so not down for the gang bang
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
