can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
