drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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