somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize