Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
