Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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