it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
