hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
