I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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