Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
