sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
