Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
