why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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