Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
