I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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