Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
