I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
