tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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