You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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