She is in my trunk
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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