There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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