i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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