Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
