So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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