my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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