Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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