I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
