so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
cat food counts as protein by the way
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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