Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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