guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this will be a night to untag.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
