I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize