saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
