Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
