Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Randomize
