Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize