im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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