You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
