the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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