I have demons in me.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
