i can't believe i had my finger in that
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
