also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
