Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
