Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Randomize
