Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
