some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
