i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
