tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
