the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize