he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
