Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
