Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
