I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize