You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize