I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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