I wanna bring you to show and tell
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
