I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
