We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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