my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
birth control should be required to get into college
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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