i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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