I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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