since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
