dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
