Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want her autograph on my taint
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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