He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
