did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
