Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
