so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
