Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
