I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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