I feel like abortions should bother me more
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
